What to Do When Your Toddler Starts Hitting Herself
Ever seen your toddler hit herself out of frustration and not know what to do? You’re not alone. Many parents and caregivers witness this behavior, especially when little ones are frustrated or unsure how to express themselves. Even a simple reaction—whether concern or laughter—can unintentionally reinforce the habit, turning it into a way to seek attention.
In fact, nearly one in four toddlers will hit themselves at some point, particularly between 18 and 24 months. Understanding why it happens is the first step in responding with calm and confidence. With a little insight, you can help your child build healthier ways to manage those big toddler feelings.
Reasons Toddlers Might Hit Themselves
Some toddlers hit themselves during temper tantrums because they feel frustrated or struggle to express what they want or need. At this age, using words to say how they feel can be hard, so they may use actions instead. Sometimes, hitting brings comfort or relief if they feel overwhelmed by sights, sounds, or feelings.
A child might seek attention from adults or try to cope with stress by hitting themselves. In other cases, repetitive actions like hitting may help manage sensory needs, such as wanting certain feelings or sensations. Adults who notice when and where these behaviors happen can better understand what causes them and how to support the child.
Talking About Feelings
Children often show strong emotions through actions like whining or hitting themselves because they may not know the words to share how they feel. Caregivers can help by labeling emotions out loud. For example, saying “You seem frustrated” or “It looks like you’re upset” gives the child language to use.
Teaching simple words for feelings along with gentle coping tools, such as taking deep breaths or using a favorite toy for comfort, helps kids express themselves in safer ways.
Ways to Guide and Support Children
Caregivers can help children manage strong feelings when they become physical. One method is to gently cushion the child’s body to prevent injury, then encourage the child to lie down and practice calm breathing. Once the child feels more settled, adults can talk with them about what happened. This discussion helps build self-control and gives the child words to express their feelings next time.
To reduce triggers, adults can watch for patterns and modify routines or environments. For example, some kids find transitions difficult, especially when stopping a fun activity. Using a countdown, giving reminders, or showing a visual schedule can help kids prepare for changes.
If a child is distressed, offering a comforting object, calming words, or a gentle hug supports their emotional needs. Removing unsafe objects nearby can also prevent accidents during tough moments. These steps encourage safe choices and teach the idea of consequences without using harsh punishment or time-outs.
Could It Be a Sign of Pain?
Toddlers may hit themselves because they feel uncomfortable or hurt. They might do this to distract themselves from pain or to let adults know something is wrong when they can’t use words. Pain from teething or an ear infection often causes this behavior.
Caregivers can look for clues like:
- Drooling or flushed cheeks
- Waking more often during the night
- Fever or pulling at the ear
- Seeming more irritable
Adults who spot these signs can recognize when pain might be the reason for the behavior.
Sleep-Related Head Banging
Some toddlers rock or bang their heads in a steady rhythm before falling asleep. This motion can calm young children, much like being gently rocked in a chair. Most children eventually stop this habit on their own, but keeping their sleeping space safe is important.
Caregivers should often check cribs for loose screws or bolts, as shaking can loosen them. Moving the crib away from the wall or hanging soft fabric nearby can reduce noise and soften any impact.
Signs That a Doctor’s Visit Is Needed
If a child starts hitting their head and also shows other signs like slow speech development, hand flapping, or a lack of interest in connecting with others, contact a pediatrician. These behaviors may sometimes point to a neurodevelopmental concern such as autism or ADHD. Getting help early from a healthcare professional can make a difference in finding the right support and guidance.
Seeking Attention Through Actions
Some toddlers may try to gain attention by acting out, including hitting themselves. They often look to see how adults or other children respond, sometimes even smiling when they notice a reaction. In these moments, adults should avoid pleading or negotiating in response to these actions.
If the self-hitting isn’t forceful or dangerous, it may help to ignore it calmly—just be sure the child is safe and not at risk of injury. When it’s safe to do so, withholding attention can reduce the behavior over time.
At the same time, giving positive attention for good actions helps toddlers learn healthier ways to get noticed. Praising your child or using a simple reward chart can reinforce good behavior and help them build healthier habits.
